24 June 2005

I'm in Memphis.

I'm in Memphis. We traveled forty hours to get here from a small village outside of Alicante, Spain.

Dad died. Unexpected. Complications from cancer? No one knows. "Don't panic. This is not a big deal. This is not a terminal form of cancer. It's 100% curable and 100% treatable."

Had tickets to see him in Dallas on Monday. Threw out all my presents to him from England, China, the Netherlands---mostly foods to coax him into eating: curds, jams, preserves, stroopwaffels, licorice, Orion cakes from China that are a knockoff of the Moon Pies he and my stepmother sent me from Texas.

He had just finished chemo and radiation. The cancer was gone.

I'm in Memphis. I'm with my boyfriend, who still hasn't celebrated his birthday because my dad died on it. Tonight we ate bar-be-cue ribs from Corky's until our bellies protruded. Tomorrow maybe we'll drive around the city so he can see all the amazing things my dad built.

At the restaurant tonight, we lit our French ("Freedom"? I'm back in the U.S. now.) fries with ketchup and pretended to smoke them just like he always did.

I didn't call him on Father's Day a few days ago because I thought it was this Sunday, not last Sunday. Like how Mother's Day in Europe is a week off from how it is in the States. He must have thought I forgot about him.

I'm fine, really. We're all fine. Just don't ask me how I am or I'll cry. Don't ask anyone else how they are either because if we can just not talk about it that would be great. We can talk about anything else---the services, what he would have wanted, all the things we'll do to stay busy---just as long as we don't actually have to talk about the fact that -

I'm in Memphis.

betholindo at 22:31

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