fun things to do in Miami

Fun things to do with mother's friends in Miami instead of sitting by the pool:

1. get bit by fluffy white dog named "Missy"

2. listen to mother's friend and friend's daughter complain about daughter-/sister-in-law (for example, "she makes him do his own laundry!")

3. get bit again by Missy, this time drawing blood

4. listen to aforementioned two women scream at each other about what this could possibly mean (either the dog needs a swift hit with a roll of newspaper or I'm a terrible puppy-hating person, but either way I don't care)

5. answer questions about my diet, as I generally don't eat meat: "does that include pork?"

6. answer questions about Uruguay: "so where in Europe is it?"

7. take nap to get away from said questions

8. lie in bed debating whether or not to get up again

9. finally rise and pop angry-looking pimple

10. dodge answering questions regarding the dissolution of my parents' marriage (which, to me, as personal a question as "how's sex with your wife?")

11. feign interest in Hollywood Squares so as not to make eye contact*

12. eat tuna surprise while throwing chunks at Missy's eyes and blowing my tuna breath towards her snout until she growls

13. discover that my thumb ring is missing, panic, look for it, then calm down, Zen-like, as stressing out won't make it reappear

14. try and explain above rationale to two nearly hysterical women (this is the point at which I turned into a penisless man: "No, I don't know where it is. No, I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't understand it. No, I don't want to talk about how I feel. No, it's fine. No, I'm fine. Gosh, I'm tired. What time is it? 6:30? Oh, I'd better get some more sleep.")

15. sleep

*Incidentally, this was the first television program or movie I had seen in two months and I decided that if I were given a week to live, I would watch it over and over so that one week would feel like a year.

betholindo at 11:56 p.m.

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