18 November 2004

actually, it's not PMS

I hate it when I just want to go out for a bike ride but it's raining. And I hate knowing I have to work tonight when I have a press pass for a documentary film festival which starts tonight. And I hate it when I call him up, like, "so you're coming over tonight?" and he's like "uh, yeah," but all surprised.

Do we ever truly accomplish anything?

So on the one hand, I wish I had money. But then when I think about all the things I'd buy with that money, I realize that they're all just crap I don't need anyway. Or they're worth the hard work that paid for the money, but they're just going to be hauled back to the US or left behind here, so there's no point in buying them in the first place.

Because I don't always feel like I'm accomplishing anything.

And I'm low on the friend department in Amsterdam, so I don't exactly break the bank with my going-out-on-the-town budget. I go out with him when I have the bling for a few beers, but it's not like I have my sister or a few girlfriends I can call up to just Do Something But Nothing In Particular.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever accomplished anything.

I'm looking forward to getting the money from my lawsuit,* but the "little left over" part is just going towards rent next year during graduate school. So it's not like I can actually touch that money. It's invisible.

Like my accomplishments.

* I was in a car accident a few years ago, so I should be getting a check any day now to cover medical expenses, credit card debt, lawyer's fees, with a little left over. I cannot, however, deposit this check until I'm home for Christmas.

betholindo at 14:33

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