18 September 2005

and the winner is-

And the winner is:

Last week I dreamt of black dung beetles on my hands and below my eyes. I dreamt of other things too and I've been trying for days to figure out what it all means, although there's something to be said for the fact that I am, in fact, not wearing a coat with long sleeves.

Oh, yes, and I'm in New York and school is overwhelming and I sometimes wonder how long it will be until I have a conversation with anyone, on the phone or in person, that actually means something.

There we are again, back at everything needing to mean something. I said: I am, in fact, not wearing a coat with long sleeves.

Wasn't that mistranslated into a coat of many colors anyway? And didn't it all go back to the actions of the father? Ah, Jacob and Joseph---were I Catholic, you'd be my patron saints.

Meaning meaning meaning. Me. Mean. Meaning.

I have conversations all the time and some of them are interesting and revealing and I've sworn to be an open book. But no one ever asks the right questions and that's okay. Honesty is a caul.

School is boring. Is that okay to say? It's fun and stimulating, but devoid of-

Right, there we go again.

The questions everyone asks are: What's your name? What's your program? Where are you from?

Is it possible that those are yes/no questions? What are the implications of qualitative quantum physics on my daily life? (Manifold, my friends, manifold.) And, most importantly, what next and why am I not on Adderall yet?

I can't believe I was in Rhode Island two weeks ago and Spain two months before that. Did I actually live in Amsterdam for a year? Wait, fourteen months. Right-

Me. Mean. Meaning.

An online dream dictionary said beetles mean "eternal life." A friend said that we dream of past locations because of unresolved issues. The Egyptians revered scarabs and mummified their dead. Ghosts have unfinished business. Me. Mean. Meaning.

betholindo at 16:40

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